Siblings have a seemingly never-ending impact on one another through their lives, and there’s no doubt that the experience of all children will vary. There has long been speculation as to the relationship between birth order and personality traits, although such theories remain unclear. But what is middle child syndrome and does it really exist?
What is middle child syndrome?
Middle child syndrome is the belief that middle children (ie, not the oldest or youngest) are excluded or ignored in status compared to their siblings because of their birth order. This effect is alleged to occur because the oldest child is more likely to receive responsibilities and privileges due to the novelty of the firstborn, and the youngest to receive indulgences on account of them being the ‘baby’ of the family. This leaves the second or middle child without such a clear role and means they can feel left out. This is, needless to say, a fairly negative connotation as the word ‘syndrome’ is most commonly defined as a disease or disorder.
Where does the theory of middle child syndrome come from?
The initial theory of Middle Child Syndrome was developed by Alfred Adler back in 1964 and reflected on the importance of birth order specifically on personality development. He theorised that the two were intrinsically linked; with the oldest child holding authoritarian personality traits, the youngest more likely to be spoiled and self-centred as a result, and the middle child as even-tempered but with trouble ‘fitting in’ with their siblings. This was all just a theory though, and now almost 60 years old, can be considered the foundation from which further studies were built.
So, is middle child syndrome real? What’s been proven since?
It remains unclear as to whether Middle Child Syndrome exists at all, if the family dynamic does impose such attitudes onto children through their formative years, or if nature overtakes nurture when it comes to such personality development. Indeed it’s important to remember that correlation does not necessary equal causation, and that ‘traditional’ family dynamics have changed a lot in the last 20 years – let alone the almost 60 years when the original theory was published.
One of the most common beliefs for middle children is that they are more likely to have a distant relationship with their parents because of their intrinsic feeling of displacement amongst siblings. A 2019 survey echoed this somewhat, finding that middle born children were the least likely in birth order to be comfortable discussing sex with their parents, but the advantage was slim. An earlier research study did find that the middle born child was least likely to claim a ‘close’ relationship with their mother and were less likely to ask their parents for help if they found themselves in trouble. The most recent notable research exercise into a birth order related trait found that middle children were less likely to consider themselves ‘family-oriented’, compared to their siblings: however, the sample size was small at just over 300 participants.
There have been various studies into the impact of birth order on health conditions, but these have widely resulting in inconclusive evidence between any links.
The bottom line
The resulting debate is one that rages on regardless of birth order, personality-related topic and inherent trait: nature vs nurture. It stands to reason that if a middle child does find themselves feeling ignored, they may develop more passive personality traits as a result, in order to cope. However, there is equally nothing to suggest that such children may not overcompensate with their personality to feel seen. Such theories seeking out a correlation between birth order and personality types seek to classify and box aspects of individuality, but with the uniqueness between human beings shining through, this is an impossibility for every single person.
What’s worth remembering is that if you have three or more children, you may find you inevitably end up treating them differently – equality between all is a lovely thing to work towards but not the easiest when you’re hurried and stressed. Keeping an eye on your children and working with them to encourage their own wants, preferences and personalities to blossom is key, and all can be happy, no matter their place in birth order.
