Arguing is an essential part of communication at times, as we often have to debate differing opinions to find solutions to problems. Yet there’s good and bad arguing. Effective arguing doesn’t need to involve reactiveness and confrontation. Arguing constructively is a learned skill and it’s one that involves being able to present your perspective, while also respecting others’ points of view.
If you’re not too sure how to argue productively check out this list of top 10 tips to help you master the fine art of arguing effectively.
Practice active listening
The most effective arguing always starts with active listening, so pay close attention to what the other person is saying. Resist the urge to interrupt or form an opinion prematurely and wait until they are done explaining before formulating your response. It’s important to show your human side, so express empathy by demonstrating that you acknowledge their feelings and concerns.
Stay cool and calm
Try and regulate your emotional responses, as if left unchecked, these can escalate arguments quickly. Keep your emotions under control by taking deep breaths and staying calm and focused. Don’t resort to immature behaviours such as shouting, name-calling, or using offensive language, as to conduct a productive argument, you’ll need to maintain a respectful tone throughout the entire discussion.
Pick your battles wisely
Not every disagreement merits a full-blown argument, so make sure you choose your battles. By reserving your energy for debating the issues that really matter and avoiding petty, time consuming niggles, you’ll be able to benefit from much higher quality debates.
Base your case on facts and evidence
Wherever possible, try and base your argument on established facts and evidence and quote credible sources that can back up your claims. Sticking to the facts will strengthen your position and develop trust, which will foster a healthier and more open discussion.
Don’t accuse, instead use “I” statements
Shy away from making accusatory statements, like “you said that” or “you don’t know what you’re talking about” and instead use “I” statements to express your point of view. If you’re navigating downtime for example, you could say, “I feel so overwhelmed when the children get noisy and I could really use a break to get some quiet time,” instead of, “You always leave me alone with the kids and when they get noisy it drives me crazy.”
Stay on conversational course
Keep on track and stick to the issue you want to discuss to avoid swerving off into another discussion. This can easily happen, especially if you’re disagreeing about the personal. Don’t be tempted to indulge in personal attacks either, instead try and keep the argument focused and productive.
Ask questions that are open-ended
You can nurture healthy dialogue by asking questions that are open-ended, i.e. ones that require more than just a straightforward “yes” or “no”. Doing this encourages the other person to expand on their point of view, which could lead to you gaining a better understanding of their perspective.
Validate their conversation
It’s important to display empathy and you can do this by acknowledging the other person’s viewpoint, feelings and experience. When you agree with what they are saying, show this by nodding and verbally acknowledging but even if you don’t see eye to eye you can still validate your conversational partner. If you’re not completely on the same page but you still want to make them feel heard, try saying things like, “Yeah, I can see why you feel that way.
Look for common ground
Identity the areas where you are both in agreement, as doing this could make it easier to find a compromise that suits you both. This can also help to defuse an argument that is escalating, by making you both feel bonded, so you’re more inclined to work together to find an acceptable solution.
Know when it’s time to politely agree to disagree
It’s simply not possible for all arguments to end with a neat resolution or consensus. Sometimes you just won’t be able to find a compromise and instead you’ll both need to politely agree to disagree, acknowledging that you and the other person have different perspectives. As long as you can do this respectfully, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, as everyone is different.
